plz talk dirty to me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
