So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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