My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
