i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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