The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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