Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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