just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize