you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
