It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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