Soap is not a condiment
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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