if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
