White coat. Heels.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
