Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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