I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
