dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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