I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize