Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
