But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
