I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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