That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
