Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You took a bar mat shot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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