Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
