conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
