WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
