i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
