you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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