Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
