My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we're so committed to being not committed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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