Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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