So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Rumble strips road head = magical
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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