From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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