Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
