there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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