he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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