i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
