the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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