Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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