I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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