My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
