my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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