I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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