ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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