Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So many bounce houses so little time
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
