Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
