even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
