They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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