we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
