to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize