I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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