fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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