You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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