The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
zippers are such a cool invention
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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