I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
