Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
