just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
