My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
