just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize