i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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