Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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