i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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