Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm like, not good at living.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
