he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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