That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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