I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
