I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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