he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
