I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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