lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
