it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
