There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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