Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
