I think I just saw someone hide a body.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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