Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
