I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
